Movies, Pop Culture

Here’s why those Disney princess movies actually suck

What power does true love's first kiss really have? Does anyone know?

If you’re someone who grew up in the 90’s chances are you love Disney movies. They made us think we could fall in love in an instant or in a ridiculously short time span.

What power does true love’s first kiss really have? Does anyone know?

We need to stop instilling in girls that their life is incomplete without a man. That you must give so much of yourself to be with someone when they don’t give a thing. Most of these princes are scrubs – that’s their daddy’s money. Plus they barely even talk for the entire movie. The one who wasn’t a prince is a thief. You do not want to be with either.

1. Cinderella

She takes too much crap from everybody, even the cat, which was appropriately named Lucifer. Why are you so happy all the time? Walking around humming to yourself, talking to birds. Nobody is that happy scrubbing floors. Nobody. She makes cleaning look like something you might want to do and it’s not.  She’s way too passive.

Also, I tried tying my hair with a piece of ribbon – it doesn’t work.

2. Aladdin

Giphy

Not gonna lie, Princess Jasmine made me want – and still want – a pet tiger. Who wouldn’t? She’s also the closest thing to an Indian princess- all brown girls are the same, right? Apart from the fact that she has nothing to do but comb her hair and wait for a prince her life is boring.

Thanks for reducing women to ‘waiting to be married’ status. The sexualization of Jasmine- especially in that red outfit – is too much for a 6-year-old to be aware of. Plus the sexy poses. REALLY?

3. The Little Mermaid

Ok, so, confession: I had Little Mermaid themed things growing up, and if it’s still cute, I’ll probably buy it. She literally traded in one of the things which made her unique:  her actual voice for a man.

Ursula told her she’d still have a pretty face and a man, but no voice. Ariel agreed to this. Compromise? What’s that? I’ll just give my whole self up, nahmean? She also has zero forms of communication without her voice and has to have true love’s kiss by the end of three days.

Ughh.

4. Beauty and the Beast

Belle loves books. That’s great for Disney to finally encourage young girls to read, explore and invent things. I’m all for that. One thing the books didn’t teach? Common sense. Because when you are held against your will, YOU RUN AWAY the first chance you get.

Do not stay.

You definitely don’t stay for tea.

5. Mulan

She’s probably one of the most positive female leads and she’s not a princess. Yeah, she had to pretend to be a man for most of the movie, but she did want to make sure her dad didn’t enter into battle.

Again with the ‘waiting to be married status’ that only girls of color seem to have. Also, let’s not forget the incessant family pressure to be married and aunty matchmakers.

6. Pocahontas

Not only was she running around with no shoes, but she was miraculously able to communicate with John Smith, even though they spoke different languages. How? Also, she had no chill making out with John under Grandmother Willow.

Seriously, the tree can see you, plus there is an entire forest where you can go to make out.