Tech, Now + Beyond

Here’s what’s so gross about these new GuyFi booths

You've got to be kidding me. What has happened to the world? 

Sex toy company “Hot Octopuss” is behind a new GuyFi booth on 28th and 5th in Manhattan where men can visit for a quick “stress relief” session. Public masturbation booths designed for the “stressed-out working man” are actually a thing.

If you know what I mean.

The company’s co-founder said the following in a press release:

“There’s no denying that working a nine to five job can be stressful on both your mind and body, especially in a non-stop city like Manhattan. It’s really important for guys to look after themselves so that they can stay healthy and focus properly on the task in hand. We’re told time and time again how beneficial it is to have a break away from your desk.”

And if you aren’t feeling at least mildly slimy yet, he continued with this:

“At Hot Octopuss we are all about looking for new solutions to improve everyday life and we feel we’ve done just that with the new GuyFi booth. We hope the city’s men enjoy using the space we’ve created in whatever way they want. It’s completely free of charge… all that we ask is they thank us when they get their promotion!”

So basically, men are too stressed at work, and having a space to “rub one out” will ultimately help them stay focused. Because the public streets of Manhattan are totally conducive for such a thing.

The booth also comes equipped with a folding chair, laptop, and curtain.

EW.

Now, we’re not here to debate the benefits or drawbacks of masturbation. There’s a bigger problem here. Besides the general nastiness that accompanies the idea of public masturbation, there are some huge problems involved with this initiative.

1. Public masturbation is gross, world

Masturbation is generally accepted to be something that should be done in private (not to mention – public masturbation is illegal). It’s an intimate, personal thing, and definitely not something you want the streets of Manhattan to be a part of. A lousy curtain isn’t soundproof, after all.

2. This is a “working-man’s only” thing

Men aren’t the only people who get stressed out at work, you know. People of all genders can experience stress. It’s something that we all can experience as human beings. To create such a hyper-masculine space for such niche-specific people is just….wrong.

They totally missed the point here.

3. The general logistics of the entire matter

Can you imagine explaining this your boss? “Hey, sorry boss, I’m just gonna step out to 5th for a quick ‘stress relief’ session.” Yikes.

Again, a curtain isn’t going to be completely soundproof, so if you’re a moaner, you’re out of luck here. Also, how is one supposed to be comfortable in such a small space? What if there’s a line outside? Is there a time limit? And what about clean-up? What happens if a guy unloads all over the walls? Sanitation? Germs?

I’m shuddering.

4. The incredible lack of sensitivity

What the heck, you guys? How can a male-only masturbation booth located in the middle of the street be a viable concept when there are other bodily functions that need more attention? Hello – breastfeeding! Breastfeeding is something that is natural and essential for human life. It also has a time limit – a mother can only hold so much before she too has to “unload.”

Mothers have been publicly shamed and humiliated for breastfeeding their children, when they are nurturing human life.

Priorities, anyone?