Love, Humor

10 awkward things you shouldn’t talk about at dinner

Awkward silence or getting yelled at? More thrilling family conversations at 5.

Now that winter break is approaching, we can look forward to having a few days off from school and work. In a dream world.

Instead, we’re forced to sit with some relatives whose opinions may fiercely clash with our own. Navigating these conversations is a lot like walking on eggshells, so, from me to you, here’s a list of topics that you should never, ever bring up at the dinner table.

1. Your political candidate for next year

Those distasteful people trending in the polls are trending for a reason — and even your beloved aunty might be endorsing a racist xenophobic.

Don’t be upset that you’ll have to scratch off “cutting out any Trump supporter from my life” in next month’s New Year’s resolutions. You can always use political conversation as an escape: once someone starts talking about Trump, just say: “I feel sick, may I be excused?”

2. Why you don’t have a partner yet

Darn, your promise to bring over a nice man to the house so that he could join the table fell through. No worries: you can make up a story along the way. Paint the picture for your nosy relatives of a handsome gentleman, rich, and traditional, and then say at the end: “April Fool’s! Oh, wait, it’s Thanksgiving?”

3. Your body

Just play up that stink eye whenever someone hands you a smaller portion of food on your plate. Lord knows that your diet has been all sorts of crazy at school and work. Tell them the horror stories of that goop you had to eat just last week or that time you had to skip dinner because you didn’t have the money for it. You’ll have leftovers for weeks.

4. School

This is such a bountiful umbrella of things you definitely don’t want to discuss.

Grades? Say they haven’t come in the mail yet. Why your major is something that won’t make you money? Cite your eventual rich partner. Why aren’t you transferring to a college that’s closer to them to spend more time with them? Well, you’re on your own with that one.

5. The Supreme Court ruling this summer

You know the one.

6. Marginalized groups getting rights

Any protests going on, be it for equal rights, equal pay, or just plain decency from others is never an appetizing dinner table subject. The thought of someone having the same opportunities as them is downright terrifying for some people, including your relatives — and remember, you’re celebrating Thanksgiving, not Halloween.

7. Problematic celebrities

Your little, sweet cousins might be raving about Taylor Swift’s new song or Justin Bieber’s latest album — but as much as you want to scream out how imperfect they are, you’ll just have to wait. Save it for when it’s time to tell them when Santa isn’t real.

8. Your job, or lack of one

Let’s face it: even if you are employed, explaining how your career works is like talking to a wall. It’s the same for the other way around, too. If you’re unemployed due to various reasons, you’re just lazy. So is every other unemployed person. In fact, just ditch your family and start a club with these people.

9. Any piercings, hair dye, or tattoos that you got in secret

Suddenly everyone at the table is an expert on what your ideal style should be. What a bummer! You should have hired them instead, you might have gotten a discount. Ah, well. Just sit tight for the lecture.

10. Really, anything that someone is going to bring up anyway

Just grab a doggie bag of food and head out to the backyard.