Love, Advice

Do I actually have to try this out in bed, especially if I’m not wild about it?

I want to make him happy - but I’m curious, too.

Dear Madame Lestrange,

ANAL.

WHAT ARE GUYS’ OBSESSIONS WITH IT. WHAT IS THEIR PROBLEM. I’m with a man who’s the love of my life but he keeps pushing me to do anal. I am *tentatively* open to it but also TERRIFIED OUT OF MY MIND because hello.

In the words of Amy Schumer, that’s where my poop comes out.

Do I have to go through with it? And what if I do want to go through with it – what then? I just want to make him happy – but I’m curious, too.

Signed,

Maysa, 29

 

______________

Hi Maysa,

Great question. Guys and anal…hah! I’ve heard plenty of my friends talk about their partners requesting to have anal sex, in which they have absolutely no interest. I also know tons of women who loooove anal sex. But do you have to go through with it? NOPE. Absolutely nope. You don’t have to go through with anything that makes you uncomfortable or that you’re not totally into or that you’re even just “meh” about. It doesn’t matter if your partner really wants to – if you don’t, that’s that, right?

Why should what he wants come before what you want?

He shouldn’t be pushing you into it either… I have no issues with a partner asking, suggesting, wondering, but then respectfully dropping the subject at any apprehensive response.

Pushing? Nah—unacceptable. Ask him to leave it alone until you come to your decision!

[bctt tweet=”I get it – anal can be scary, it seems gross and painful, etc.”]

Now, let’s try to alleviate this fear and uncertainty. I get it – anal can be scary, it seems gross and painful, etc. You’ve probably heard a lot of horror stories from people about their mishaps with anal.

But, honestly—if done right, anal sex can be a really enjoyable and intimate experience for you and your partner. I would suggest some anal play to help you decide if it’s something you’re remotely into.

If y’all haven’t done this yet, start with anal sex that doesn’t include a penis: get him to finger you anally or perform analingus. Buy some smaller dildos or vibrators to test how they feel when he puts them in (warning: don’t forget lube with this!). These smaller steps will not only help you figure out if you enjoy anal action, but they’ll also help you put aside some of the fear related to anal sex.

You’ll start feeling much more comfortable with and excited at the idea of putting a full-size dick in there if you end up liking the smaller things!

Here are some tips if you decide you like the play and want to start having full-blown anal:

  1. LOTS of foreplay and some vaginal sex first. Get yourself really wet and really turned on. Especially for your first time, you’ll probably feel a bit nervous! But if you and your partner start out with stuff you’re already comfortable with, you’ll also feel more comfortable once he puts it in your ass.
  2. LOTS of lube. You know this: your vagina creates natural lubricant, especially as you get more turned on, to allow for a penis (or whatever else you’re sticking in there). Your anus and rectum do not. If you don’t use lube, you run the risk of pain, tearing, infection, etc. But with proper lubrication, you should be good. Make sure to take it nice and slow. And if you think you need more lube, reapply it!
  3. Once he’s in there and doing his thing, I suggest one of you manually stimulates your clitoris. Let him finger you or do it yourself. It’ll help you enjoy the experience so much more. This is one of the perks of anal sex! So much stimulation is possible for you.
  4. Let him know beforehand that you might ask him to stop. And know that just because you decided to go for it, doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind right before or even during. Lay down your rules for what is or isn’t okay. Do you want him to ejaculate inside you? Do you want him to use a condom (tip: safe sex is the best sex)? It’s all up to you, girl.
  5. If you’re worried about the whole poop thing, some suggestions: if you feel like you have to poop, don’t have anal sex. You’ll probably freak out and think you’re gonna poop on him (when you first get anally penetrated, it kinda feels like you have to poop. This freak out is real.). Take a shower before you think you’re gonna do it and clean your ass out a little. Honestly, he knows what the anus is for and what it does. Also if he gets grossed out by anything poop-related, that’s on him!
  6. Have fun. Like I said before, many women love anal sex and it can be a really intimate experience. But if you don’t like it, there’s no problem with that either. Just remember that sex (all types) is about two people sharing and enjoying an experience together. And each person has her/his likes and dislikes. So, don’t get too lost in the worries of making him happy with this. A good sex life comes from both partners being happy, not just one!

 

You’re welcome,

Madame Lestrange

 

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