Humor, Life

Meet 5 brave patriots fighting to keep our nation free of Islam

Keep it up, boys.

Muslims are taking over the world, and they have their sights on destroying America. This is actually a proven fact because they said so on Fox News. The reporters there never lie or exaggerate anything.

Luckily, there are some brave Americans who won’t give this country up to Sharia law and halal hotdogs without a fight.

Here are five patriots defending their country from the dangers of tolerance and coexistence – er… I mean, terrifying, freedom-hating Muslims.

5. Andy Hallinan of Florida Gun Supply

Washington Times

Andy Hallinan is taking a stand against creeping Sharia by prohibiting Muslims from entering his gun stores. Because we all know that Muslims are the only people who use guns to kill people. Except for those white guys who are shooting up schools and movie theaters, but you know, stuff happens.

[bctt tweet=”Luckily, there are some brave Americans who won’t give this country up to Sharia law.” username=”wearethetempest”]

Andy isn’t fighting this battle alone – he also has the support of the all-around guy George Zimmerman.

Keep it up, boys.

4. Citizen Guards at Oktaha Gun Store

A gun store in Oklahoma called “Save Yourself Survival and Tactical Gear” also declared itself a Muslim-free zone. A group of patriots took their patriotic duty to a new level and volunteered to guard the store from any backlash that the broadminded policy might bring.

These brave citizens put themselves in the line of fire and one individual was even shot as a result. Well, actually, he just dropped his gun and a bullet hit him in the arm.

But don’t let the fact that this guy shot himself make you lose sight of how Muslims are the ones who shouldn’t be trusted with guns.

3. Michael Sibley the Patriotic Terrorist

The Daily Beast

Sibley didn’t think Americans were worried enough about the threat of Muslims. So, he put a bomb in a backpack with a Quran and planted it in a park. He hoped that Muslims would be blamed for the bombing, leading people to take the threat of radical Islam seriously.

[bctt tweet=” Sibley didn’t think Americans were worried enough about the threat of Muslims. ” username=”wearethetempest”]

However, the bomb never detonated.

(Darn FBI, always getting in the way of true patriotism.)

Sure, some innocent Americans might have died if his plan had worked, but that was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Anyway, it’s better to be killed by an angry white guy who’s just trying to protect America than by a Muslim, right?

2. Jon Ritzheimer the Freedom Activist

Jon Ritzheimer organized an anti-Islam rally and a “Draw Muhammed” contest outside an Arizona Mosque. About 250 brave patriots stood up against violent Muslims and their supporters, while armed only with their love for America. Actually, most of them were also armed with guns, and the Muslims actually weren’t being violent at all.

My point is, Ritzheimer is just doing what he needs to do to make sure his children have a good future.

Don’t worry, Jon. Because of your hard work, your children will have a future where they have the right to harass and terrorize any religious and ethnic minorities that their little hearts desire.

1. Organizers of the “Global Rally For Humanity”

This group calls on true patriots to protest mosques across the country. The name “Global Rally for Humanity” is totally fitting, too, because there is nothing that demonstrates humanity more than demonizing the more than 1.5 billion Muslims in the world.

Not like Muslims are actually humans, right?

And an honorable mention for this concerned mother:

All of the parents who freaked out when they found out their children learned about Islam in their world history class.

Keep fighting the good fight, Mom and Dad. Don’t let those teachers mess with the ignorance you worked so hard to preserve in your children.

Disclaimer: Yes, this piece is satire. Duh.