Books, Pop Culture

I didn’t know how to take care of myself

“Others always come before you.” This was the motto of my life.

They want Chinese for dinner? Chinese it is; you have to control your craving for Mexican.

He hurt your feelings? You have to hold yourself from bursting, because he is going through a rough phase in his life.

So when I saw a novel titled “Me Before You,” I thought there was something wrong with it.

I still read it, though, as I wanted to explore the idea of placing my happiness before the people I love. It depicted an entire different world from mine – a complete opposite.

[bctt tweet=”They want Chinese for dinner? Chinese it is; you have to control your cravings.” username=”wearethetempest”]

I loved how Jojo Moyes told the story from the perspectives of different characters. It gave me a 360 degree effect, which painted a more clear picture of the narrative and the characters themselves.

Lou Clark, the female protagonist, is a 26-year-old girl who has a lot of responsibilities, recently lost her job and is having relationship problems. She is a funny, confident girl everyone can relate to.

Will Traynor, the male protagonist, is a 35-year-old quadriplegic who is intelligent and rich, but now, after an accident, is angry and moody.  

When I did a quick search before purchasing, the novel was categorized as ‘romantic.’ To be honest, I’d rather categorize it as a romantic tragedy. It is not a normal teenage-guy-meets-girl-and-fall-for-her story. It is about two adults living their two separate lives, how they met, and what they learned from each other.

[bctt tweet=”To be honest, I’d rather categorize it as a romantic tragedy. ” username=”wearethetempest”]

And I learned from them too. I learned it’s okay to make mistakes. I learned that those mistakes shouldn’t define us. I learned it’s fine to take a break from people you love. What I didn’t learn, though, is how to place myself before others. I was still the second on my list.

But a few months after completing the novel, I realized I wasn’t able to keep the façade on. I stopped talking to people. I stopped going for movies if I didn’t feel like going. I stopped responding to messages. I started to stay home because I felt like being alone. I started saying no to people; I stopped caring about people. Why should I be the only one thinking about them? Why can’t people think about me? All of a sudden, it became all about me, about what I wanted.

[bctt tweet=”Why should I be the only one thinking about them? ” username=”wearethetempest”]

But I got worried when I started to become impatient. No, I didn’t start yelling at people, or slamming doors in people’s faces, or physically hurting people, but I wasn’t able to be calm anymore. I was getting irritated easily. I was getting mad at everything and anything. I wasn’t happy anymore. I wasn’t satisfied. That is when I knew something was off with this way of living life.

I needed a balance where I was able to stay sane. Today, I still haven’t found this fulcrum yet, but I feel like I’m getting there.