“If you get a boyfriend, you can no longer be my friend.”

That’s what I said to a friend of mine once, only half-jokingly. Exactly how long ago, I’ll never admit, but let’s just say I was a grown girl who called herself an ardent feminist by then. While this might come off as immature or even outright ridiculous to you, to me it seemed like a perfectly normal thing to say.

So many women are told that their relationship status with a man defines them.

That’s because the belief that a woman having a man in her life makes her somehow superior to other women was so firmly entrenched in my mind, I failed to see just how anti-feminist that statement was.

Ever since I was a self-conscious, timid girl in her early teens, I was told that having a boyfriend was the best thing that could happen to me.

Well, no one actually said that to me, but why else would girls with boyfriends act like they owned the world? Why did they boast about their first kisses and perfect dates while boyfriend-less girls sighed enviously?

As I grew up, I began to think that maybe the fact that I didn’t have a boyfriend meant that something was wrong with me. I was thirsty for male validation, and in the process, committed blunder after blunder in order to gain male attention, sometimes ignoring my self-worth while doing so.

I liked to think that I was being bold and fearless, and I was – but to what end? Why did I feel it was so important that I get “accepted” by a member of the opposite sex? Why did having to give love advice to my friends who had boyfriends make me bitter? Why did I long for the male gaze to finally rest on me approvingly, why did I ache for a boy’s loving touch?

As I write these words, I feel so angry at myself – I would sneer at a girl who shared those views today, but that girl was me, not very long ago. I thought Bella and Disney princesses who wait around for their savior princes were horrible, but what was I?

I was an intelligent, creative, and badass girl who felt like she wasn’t worth anything because the guy who she liked rejected her. I was a feminist with views that would put Donald Trump’s sexism to shame.

And I know I’m not the only one.

So many women subconsciously judge other women for being single – maybe she’s too cold, maybe she doesn’t try hard enough. So many women look past their achievements to their empty ring-fingers and feel like failures.

I thought Bella and Disney princesses who wait around for their savior princes were horrible, but what was I?

So many women are told that their relationship status with a man defines them.

Men aren’t incomplete without women. So why are women incomplete without men?

  • Anonymous

    Anonymous writes, no matter what, and tells their story regardless of the circumstances.


https://thetempest.co/?p=8030