Humor

This is the next big romantic comedy of the year

I can envision it now: huffy business woman gets seated across from lax surfer dude.

Apparently airlines are trying to make our airborne lives even more miserable by introducing airline seats in which passengers will face each other. This sounds like the perfect setting for the next mediocre romantic comedy (which will shortly be available on a plane near you). I can envision it now: huffy business woman gets seated across from lax surfer dude. Their eyes meet several times, their hands touch and linger when they pass each other things, and this is crazy, but the female character skips all her responsibilities to go to Fiji with a spontaneous and fun male character.

Here’s a short excerpt of the screenplay from the eventual ABC Family re-run movie “LOVE FACES US” about two polar opposite strangers who meet and fall in love on a plane. All because they had seats that faced each other.

DOMESTIC FLIGHT 454 LAX TO IAD

Kaitlyn enters plane, struggles to place carry on in the overhead bin, fumbling because she is wearing a business suit and heels. Brad lifts one end of Kaitlyn’s carry on and they’re both holding the carry on when they both look into each other’s eyes.

KAITLYN
(flustered because a stranger helped her, not because it was a handsome tan man or anything)
Oh, thank you.

BRAD
(nonchalantly)
No problem.

Kaitlyn takes her seat, annoyed that her assistant accidentally booked her an economy flight. Brad sits facing her, spreads out his legs too far in front of him, disrupting Kaitlyn. He puts his LA Dodgers cap on his eyes to cover his face to prepare for a nap.

KAITLYN
(huffing and rolling her eyes, annoyed with these new seats)
Excuse me, could you please move your legs?

BRAD
(quite reasonably)
Sure.

Brad naps. Kaitlyn is working on her laptop. A flight attendant comes by.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT
Something to drink? Orange juice? Water? Gingerale?

KAITLYN
Could I have coffee please?

BRAD
Orange juice, please.

Instead of handing the drink to Kaitlyn to pass to Brad like he would on a regular flight, the flight attendant can now pass it to Kaitlyn directly and to Brad directly. An opportunity for their hands to linger briefly on the cups is missed.

Brad’s cap is on his face for the duration of the flight. Kaitlyn works furiously on her laptop when she decides to go to the bathroom. Because the seats face each other, she does not need to squeeze past Brad, putting her butt in his face. Brad continues napping, unaware that Kaitlyn even went to the bathroom. They evade a situation dense of sexual tension.

Later, while gazing up from her laptop, she notices that Brad’s mouth is open as he naps and he drools a little when he sleeps. It is not endearing.

Brad finally wakes. Kaitlyn is still working.

BRAD
(talking to no one in particular)
Man, I can’t believe they don’t serve meals on these domestic flights anymore.

KAITLYN
Yes, it’s like, what are we even paying for?

BRAD
(chuckles)
Apparently seats that face each other.

Kaitlyn laughs and returns to her work. Brad plays Solitaire on his phone.

LAST 15 MINUTES OF THE FLIGHT

Kaitlyn closes her laptop and Brad has stopped playing Solitaire. They’re both unsure where to look so she looks out the window and he stares at the aisle.

BRAD
So, what were you doing in LA?

KAITLYN
I was there for my boyfriend’s sister’s wedding. I was supposed to stay until Tuesday but I had to get back to work.

BRAD
(not disappointed at all that Kaitlyn has a boyfriend)
Oh, that’s cool. I’m connecting in DC to catch a flight to Fiji.

KAITLYN
Oh, that’s fun.

Kaitlyn doesn’t ask more questions and she certainly doesn’t skip work, cheat on her boyfriend, or ignore her responsibilities to run off with a handsome stranger. They both close their eyes for the rest of the flight and wait for landing.

FIN