Love + Sex, Love

An open letter to all my past crushes

Remember when I had a crush on you back in 2010? Yeah.

One question that has haunted me constantly throughout my high school years is this: what does it mean if a guy keeps trying to sneak glances at a girl when he thinks she isn’t looking, say, during class? And then as soon as the girl makes eye contact, or is about to, he looks away with the speed of lightning?

Many of my friends (and wikiHow articles) claim that it is a sure sign of interest from the boy, and if the girl is interested too, then she should be totally thrilled! If you are under this false impression as well, let me clear your illusions right away: I’m genuinely regretful to state that I learnt from (painful) experience that the aforementioned hypothesis is sadly, heartbreakingly, NOT true. At least not it all cases.

Oh, and yes, apparently if a guy acts all nervous around a girl (without any credible reason, such as his knowing that the girl he’s acting nervous around is a deranged freak capable of turning the slightest hint of unusual behavior from him into a full-fledged à-la-Bollywood coy Sign Of Interest), it probably means he isn’t interested at all!

Well, what DOES it mean then, you ask? Unfortunately, I do not have the answer to this question, since I haven’t yet conducted my survey of boys around the world to ask them this all-important question on the Meaning of Stolen Glances and Unfounded Nervousness. Until then, girls, I’m sorry I cannot really comment on what you should think if a guy is displaying the aforementioned type of behavior around you. So to all my fellow sisters who’ve been through what I have, I can only say, I hear you!! Fear not, and do NOT, under any circumstances, allow yourself to be bogged down by a blithering idiot.

I would, however, like to seize this opportunity to ask any guy who might be reading this and who identifies with the symptoms listed above: what is your problem, really? Do you not know that the effect of these seemingly harmless gestures can actually be LETHAL, if performed around girls who are as or even more demented than I am? They can lead that poor girl into thinking that – *gasp* – you LIKE her!

When in fact you were only stealing glimpses of her because she reminded you of your long-lost friend, or whatever, and you were only nervous around her because, well, even I don’t have an explanation for that. Maybe YOU could explain, Mr. Reading-This-And-Smirking? You wouldn’t be so amused if there was a law that said males can be sued for giving out the wrong signals to unsuspecting females, ha!

But seriously guys, it’s NOT normal to act abnormally around girls that you don’t even like. So save it.

And please, enroll yourself into the nearest psychiatric ward the next time you find yourself fluttering around that girl for whom you couldn’t care less.