Love + Sex, Love

Planning your wedding? Here’s why you NEED a singles table

You'll thank me later.

I just got married in August, and I would say I’m quite happy with how the day went. The food was amazing, the dance floor was poppin’, and the pictures turned out beautifully.

There is one thing that didn’t go my way though: I wanted a singles table.

Our wedding was huge, with over 450 guests. Many of the guests were our friends from college, so they were mostly between the ages of 22 and 30 (basically, many single people who are getting their lives together and would perhaps enjoy the companionship of another person).

As is common after a wedding in which everyone was looking glamorous and on their best behavior, some of our single wedding guests asked us about the availability of some of our other single wedding guests.

So, there was this guy with a red tie. He was like in his 20’s and he was wearing a white dress shirt. Oh, and he has a beard.

Do you know if the girl who wearing makeup is single? She hung out all night with this other girl who took a picture with you guys.

And if we just so happened to identify the ambiguous lady love or vague masquerading prince the guest was talking about, we just couldn’t get a hold of him or her:

Yeah, we know her but she’s a visiting niece of my dad’s boss and she went back to London, and umm…I’m not really comfortable asking my dad to ask his boss for his niece’s full name so you can add her on Facebook.

Not to mention all the people who were approached by aunties asking for AEL (age, ethnicity, location).

I felt like a useless Missed Connections page on Craigslist because I really wanted to help these people and I couldn’t.

But if there were a singles table…contact information could be exchanged consensually! No aunties would need to be involved! A shot at companionship could be a real possibility!

Here’s how it would work:*

– There is a singles table (perhaps more than one depending on the size of the wedding) that allows people to get to know each other so that this wedding doesn’t turn into an unnecessarily segregated middle school dance.
– Single people sit there. They are not awkward about it.
– Guests talk about work, their connections with the married couple, and probably what a beautiful day it is to have a wedding.
– Guests are given a more intimate and organic opportunity to examine each other at closer proximities rather than the usual squint-across-the- banquet-hall to determine attractiveness.
– Guests can observe each others’ behavior more accurately. (If he’s talking to his friend during the grandfather’s slow but heartwarming speech, it’s a deal breaker).
– If a guest is compatible with another guest and would like to see them again outside of a stuffy ballroom or away from the allure of twinkle lights, they exchange numbers. They meet in a coffee shop a week later. They send emails checking up on each other. They add each other on Facebook. Perhaps his mom calls her mom to talk about the next step.
– BASICALLY, THE BALL MADE OF EQUAL PARTS FATE & FREE WILL GETS ROLLING and never will a wedding connection be missed again.

This is going to work! Naysayers laugh at me but wait ten years from now and all the happily married people who met at singles tables will proclaim, “How did people meet before singles tables?! Thank God for Jasmine. I’m so happy we named our first-born after her.”

*This by no means is an exhaustive description of the Singles Table 3000. I have many more arguments, counter-arguments, arguments to your counter-arguments written up in a file. Seriously, let’s go.