Hillary Clinton has had a tough few months.
Between her private email server scandal and the revelation that The Clinton Foundation accepted huge donations from foreign countries during her time as Secretary of State – two absolute no-nos for ethics and transparency in the government – even some die-hard Clinton cheerleaders put down their blue pom-poms for a minute.
But just as her numbers started to dip, Hillary finally announced her second run for presidency. And, surprising no one, everyone (who’s not still pointing fingers at her over Benghazi) promptly forgot about her serious ethical breaches and moved onto bigger issues.
Like, y’know, her god-awful campaign logo.
1. The Logo. Why why why?
First we laughed at it. Really hard.
Hillary's logo is awf. Looks like a sign for an ER department at a hospital. pic.twitter.com/9MAgsPtgwg
— James West (@jameswest2010) April 12, 2015
Then we laughed at ourselves for laughing at it.
I used to love Hillary Clinton but then I watched a YouTube video about how the letter H looks a lot like a wheelchair and now i vote GOP
— Ben Dreyfuss (@bendreyfuss) April 12, 2015
2. Did you know Hillary is a lady-person?
Closet misogynists trying to explain that women don’t make good leaders. Democratic feminists trying to explain why Hillary is a revolutionary women’s rights advocate. Anti-Hillary feminists trying to explain how they want a female president, but just not this female president. What a mess.
i hope hillary clinton's speech replaces every right-wing bio trope of immigration & toil and makes it about the female reproductive system
— Big Sexy Jeb! Lund (@Mobute) April 12, 2015
We've had enough of that Hillary bitch. She's a She-Devil and shall tke care of her grandchildren and not politics https://t.co/OnJ8BzMP0q
— Kralice Eda (@cihangirlikedi) April 13, 2015
Yall women will vote for Hillary because she's a woman… Yall know that bitch retarded. He'll bill cheated on her then she went back lol
— J Kidd (@jdkindred) April 13, 2015
Yes, it means a lot to a lot of women that Hillary is running for presidency. It doesn't mean they're not carefully examining her positions.
— teresa bücker (@fraeulein_tessa) April 13, 2015
I need more than she's a woman. #Hillary2016
— Linda Sarsour (@lsarsour) April 12, 2015
3. So she basically won, right?
Here’s what SNL Weekend Update host Colin Jost had to say:
“Early polling shows that Hillary has a substantial lead over her nearest Democratic challenger: the margin of error.”
I’m from Maryland myself. And let me tell you, Martin O’Malley is staying right here.
4. Wait. So if she becomes president…
There’s a ton of ways you can end that sentence. An environmental concern, or something about feminism. Perhaps a question or two about our foreign policy future, like her plans for dealing with Iran. Maybe you’re curious about how she aims to strengthen the middle class.
But this one is a lot funner, wouldn’t you agree?
If Hillary wins, two of the presidents will have had sex with each other
— Rachael Stott (@RachaelAtWork) April 12, 2015
5. You seem happy, Hill.
Hillary’s populist-tone announcement video was noticeably upbeat and cheery, lacking her usual straightforward mien.
— The New Yorker (@NewYorker) April 13, 2015
Can’t you imagine her campaign managers trying to ensure she doesn’t come across as acerbic?
And if you can’t picture it, SNL’s Kate McKinnon can help you out.
6. Stuff about Monica.
Blah blah blah Monica blah blah blah Lewinsky. No one cares.
Or so I thought.
Think about it. Hillary couldn't protect young female interns from lecherous husband then, WTF makes ya think she can protect America now?
— SNITFIT (@Snitfit) April 4, 2015
Funny to think about how this happened when I was two years old. The Clintons have provided plenty of scandalous fodder for jokes since then, but this is still the fallback.
7. Oh, yeah. Actual issues.
Interestingly, Hillary’s website is missing the requisite page outlining her campaign platform and agenda. Hmmmm.
Well, either way, we have an idea of where she’s headed. And a lot of us, even women and staunch liberals, aren’t 100 percent on board.
— UnitedWeDream.org (@UNITEDWEDREAM) April 13, 2015
Hillary is either a) a powerful feminist politician or b) a warhawk who excuses the bombing of women in other countries, but not both.
— Tamara (@BookOfTamara) April 13, 2015
Hillary Clinton is a liberal and cares about women. That's why one of her campaign promises is to liberally bomb brown women if elected
— Remi Kanazi (@Remroum) April 13, 2015
Listen, Hillary. We love your ambition. We love your drive, your independence, your strength. You’re a feminist icon (but not actually), you’re progressive (but not that progressive), and let’s not forget that Iraq is still partially on your shoulders. You’ve compromised your ideals for politics before. Let’s not do it again.
C’mon, Hill. Shape up. Don’t be a capitalist, liberal, immigrant-hating, drone-happy schmuck.