Love + Sex, Love

My long-distance marriage isn’t as hard as I thought it’d be

Being married for six months is hardly a long time, but we were able to discover what worked for us through constant communication.

My husband and I don’t have a typical marriage situation right now.

Due to the nature of his job, he works away from home four days a week. Although this setup took some getting used to, it allows me to concentrate on my schoolwork and him on his job during the weekdays.

On the weekend, we try to spend as much time catching as possible catching with each other.

However, the reality is that we both have a ton of work to do over the weekend. When we were first adjusting to our respective schedules, it took a while to figure out how much time we could realistically spend with each other without sacrificing the quality of our work.

My husband loves to play video games and I love to read. He once told me that one of the most important things he thinks we have in common is that we both enjoy losing ourselves in forms of art. Although it’s fantastic that we have our own “worlds” we can escape to, reading and playing video games can often be individualistic; it’s very easy when reading a book or playing a game to tune out everything around you and surround yourself with words or graphics.

Since we see each other only three days a week, we decided to share our experiences with each other.

We began to read books together, such as the Game of Thrones series, and play two-player role-play video games with each other. Not only does doing this allow us to spend more time together but it also has helped deepen our relationships.

It is incredible how many heated Game of Thrones dinner conversations we have had and Reddit posts about the series we have analyzed. Video games have given us a better understanding of how we strategize and work as a team.

Yes, I understand that these are just books and video games—relationships cannot be founded on just the two. Nonetheless, sharing activities we enjoy individually with each other has tremendously helped strengthen our relationship.

I know that most of you have probably heard this before, but traveling with each other is one of the best experiences you can have when in a relationship. Being on the road with each other, far away from comfort zones and routines, helps you build shared experiences.

You learn about each other’s tendencies and eccentricities (including the fact that I’m really weird and always claim the side of the bed closest to the door). Traveling together also creates fantastic memories; we often reminisce about the people we met or the food we ate during our travels.

Unfortunately, we don’t get to travel as much as we would like due to time constraints. Even so, we try to get away from home whenever we get the chance, if only for a weekend in Philadelphia or NYC.  

Traveling together has helped our bond with each other mature and change for the better.

My husband loves to cook, which really works out for well for us because I only know how to cook a few dishes. Often times, we decide to stay at home, turn on some music, and cook dinner together. It’s a great way to improve our cooking skills and is also an immense amount of fun.

Additionally, since we need to eat anyways, this activity doesn’t take much time out of our days.

We have found that reading and playing video games together, traveling, and cooking are activities that fit in very well into our schedules.

Of course, we are still figuring out how to add in other important activities; for example, we agreed to make time for more spirituality-related experiences. Being married for six months is hardly a long time, but we were able to discover what worked for us through constant communication.

Perhaps it’s fitting to end with a quote from one of my favorite writers, Oscar Wilde, who once said, “Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is the conversation.”